Discovering some sort of harmonious arrangement of my life... with BRUTAL honesty!

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Monday, January 17, 2011

In the beginning...

Let's start from the beginning....  Why am I here?

I started blogging over a year ago.  As a single mother of a teenager.
I've journeyed through teenage hell...
taken you on trips with me and my "sex and the city" girls
been your sunshine on good days...
and cried on days when I felt nothing was going right....

And THEN... I took you down my road of falling in love.
I met my best friend and now husband
and journeyed down the road of getting engaged and getting married

Then starting school
going back to work in the food industry
and then leaving and for the first time EVER.... NOT working and just focusing on school.

I've been open and honest (in my other blog Every Day in Gray ) about all of these things...

but what I haven't told you - I will begin to reveal here.

My husband has been married before.

In the beginning  - I didn't see that as an issue.

They have a daughter together (whom for now, until I can come up with better names, we will refer to as "the little one').  His ex wife also had another daughter from a previous marriage whom my husband helped raise (we will refer to her as "the middle one") and my husband still refers to her as his daughter.  When he has visitation with the little one, the middle one comes too. 
So - in the beginning (and still) I thought WHAT a respectable thing.  The middle one still sees her real dad, but also refers to my husband as "daddy".

(We will discuss the girls in later blogs)

For now - let's approach the subject of the ex-wife!!!!!

as previously stated - naive as I am - I did not see the "ex" thing as an issue.
Turns out - it was.
There were several issues that arose....   they were dealt with and dealt with and dealt with.
we ended up breaking up (before the engagement) BECAUSE of the relationship they maintained.
and still somewhat maintain.  (grrrrr)
all "for the good of the little one"

DONT get me wrong.....  I believe in what's best for the kids
but there are BOUNDARIES - right?!
Am I right???

BOUNDARIES will be discussed later also.

But for now - even as the wife.......I still feel like the "new girl" in the picture.
I didn't think it would be like that.
but the ex... well.... she's female.  And girls - you know how we are.

I tried the nice card in the beginning.
She told hubby that she was gonna send me a friend request on fb - but was afraid I would deny or be offended.  So I sucked it up and sent her a request.  Which she so obliged with a big fat DENY.  REALLY!  That's the kind of games we are in for... right?
I guess it was probably that day that I decided - this can't be "friendly"

Hubby was her best friend.
Hubby was the one coming to the rescue when she needed him.
Hubby - AFTER they divorced - was still her "in case of emergency"
and I still feel he is today.
I struggle with that.

Hubby is a good guy.  and feels bad.  and doesn't wanna "let anyone down"
so in turn - he does what he thinks is the right thing
and usually I'm the one who gets let down.

OH yeah - and one more pertinent piece of information....... due to fb and mutual friends etc, the ex found out about my blog - and the ex began reading...... a stalker reader.   I found out about this because after a squabble between me and my then boyfriend - I had made a post with a pertinent song.   The ex proceeded to call my guy saying how she thinks it was so ironic the song I used.  Apparently there was some history of the song with them.   YEP.  felt the need to call him and point it out.

So there ya go - issue #1 left out of my other blog - THE EX WIFE!
I'm struggling
and I REALLY don't understand.

So here I am - blog #2 - a place to vent and seek input and opinions and maybe even help others dealing with the things I'm dealing with?


  1. That would be a BIG issue! He needs to decide if he is still married to her, or if he is married to you! You should be #1! I can understand your frustration. This woman is going to cause problems with your marriage, and it should be taken care of! I feel for you, girl! I'm kinda pissy just reading about it! lol

  2. Wow! I don't even know what I would do in your situation....but Stacey is right he needs to put you #1.